Golden Thread
by IseultLaBelle
Summary: "It's not sealed!" Owen curses. "It's not bloody sealed, Tosh said she'd sealed me in, she said it was that or nuclear meltdown with the whole of Cardiff on the line and I was a prick about it but she did the right thing, so I need her to work her technical magic again because I'm a bit out of my depth with this." What if Jack and Ianto reached Tosh in time? Exit Wounds fix it
1. Chapter 1

She's fading fast.

No, no, no, no, not like this.

He grips her hand tight but she's slipping away from him; she's given up, he can see it in her eyes.

Ianto knows. Ianto knows it's over, he can tell from the way he's holding back. It's inevitable, any moment now she'll be gone and just now he can't face that, and perhaps he should call him over, take that decision out of his hands because otherwise should he come to regret it later it will all be too late, no time left for rushed goodbyes because she'll have slipped away, she'll be gone…

Gwen hasn't given up. She's in denial, at least, doesn't want to admit that it's so hopeless, injects the painkiller as though she doesn't realise it will be over long before its effects can be felt. There's no point now, no sense in it all when they have seconds, a couple minutes at the absolute most.

It's Owen. Any doubt Jack had left that Toshiko might just survive this faded away the moment Owen's fate was revealed.

He knows how Toshiko feels about Owen. He'd never let on to her, would never tease her because that isn't Tosh, because while he can joke with her now, progressed on from those first few months following her release into Torchwood custody from that god forsaken UNIT cell, her unrequited love for Owen is one thing he wouldn't touch. It runs too deep, because Toshiko doesn't do meaningless and just for pleasure and Owen doesn't do feelings and commitment that that's exactly why it would never happen, never work, but Jack expects she knows that all too well herself.

He's watched silently, observed as she's fallen for Owen over the years, but he knows exactly what he means to her.

And that's why there's no doubt in Jack's mind that now, faced with an untreated abdominal wound that's at least half an hour old if they're lucky, and the knowledge that Owen is gone, defeated at last by possibly death in the most grim of all its forms, that Toshiko will not survive this.

He's seen that look in her eyes before, that first day he took her from her cell in the depths of a UNIT detention centre and put to her his proposal.

She's simply lost all will to fight on any longer.

And so Jack follows her lead. Perhaps he wouldn't have allowed it to go like this any other day, but he's tired, so tired, weary of it all resentful of this life and all of the suffering it brings upon them all, and yet he can't let her go, can't free her, because even if he could force her to struggle on until she's stable and retcon her, retcon them all, she's the one out of all of them he could never let go.

To let her go, to get her away from Torchwood and all its misery, back into her mother's arms, to erase the pain of Owen's death and all the other trauma Torchwood has brought her over the years would be to hand her right back into the clutches of UNIT.

He can't let her go. Not Toshiko. And so if she wants out, if she's truly given up, who is he to argue with that?

He holds her tight, ignores Gwen's attempts to help her, because if she wants to give herself one last slither of hope then quite frankly that's her problem, she isn't his priority until it's all over. If there was more time left he would be in his office, leave Gwen and Ianto to comfort her whilst he rummaged through his filing cabinet for the phone number he's been forced to keep from her for four years now because screw it, she's slipping away now and so what is it to UNIT if she speaks to her mother one last time?

But there isn't time. She's still already, so bloody still, and then her eyes roll, and…

"Tosh?"

Owen's gruff tones flood into the medical bay via the handheld monitor discarded on the floor.

She barely reacts. He has Toshiko grasped to his chest and yet he barely feels her react; her eyes flutter, suddenly a little more alert than she was before, but she's fading, she's still fading so damn fast and the damage is already done…

"You still there, Tosh?" It's Owen, unmistakably so, inexplicably so because he's sealed, because all the readings projected onto the wall tiles of the medical bay from Tosh's handheld suggest that Owen should be gone, should be on his way to decomposition by now… "Tosh, I'm going to need your help again with this."

There's silence for a moment. The four of them glance between one another- Jack, Gwen, Ianto and John, that is, John still lurking awkwardly at the top of the steps- all of them so utterly thrown by this latest development on top of everything else.

"Owen, it's Jack," he begins, but Owen cuts him off before he can finish, frantic.

"No, that's no use, I mean, no offence, but I need Tosh, where is she? She can't have bloody gone, she was there a minute ago, I know she's brilliant but she's got it wrong this time…"

"Jack…" Ianto begins quietly, and Jack turns to follow his gaze, brings Toshiko with him for all the good it will do, eyes drooping as though she's fighting to keep herself awake, too exhausted to manage anything else now.

Toshiko's readings from the power station flash alarmingly on the wall.

"It's not sealed!" Owen curses. "It's not bloody sealed, Tosh said she'd sealed me in, she said it was that or nuclear meltdown with the whole of Cardiff on the line and I was a prick about it but she did the right thing, I get that really, except this chamber isn't bloody sealed, two minutes of soul searching and asking for forgiveness for my multitude of sins and all that crap and then the doors opened again, and we deactivated the controls here when Tosh did the override, it's all shut down, so I need her to work her technical magic again because I'm a bit out of my depth with this."

"Radiation's rising," Ianto confirms. "This is more Tosh's area than mine, but the reactor's still in meltdown, it has to be."

"Hence sealing the source," Jack finishes.

"Exactly. Meltdown's started, it started right before I lost the connection, it came back online when the doors opened. I told you, I don't have a bloody clue what I'm doing." Muffled sounds, scrabbling, echo over the phone line, Owen's tone increasingly panicked. "Have you got Tosh yet? There must be a way of re-rooting it, she told me the only option was sealing the source of the reactor and she couldn't revert the lockdown when I didn't move fast enough but things have moved on a bit now, okay so the reactor's leaking but there must be a way of sealing it for good before Cardiff becomes another Chernobyl…"

He doesn't know, Jack realises. He can tell from his team's eyes that they've reached the same conclusion. Tosh… her wound is old, not within the last few minutes, at least, she must have coached Owen through the lockdown procedure over the coms with a fresh abdominal wound and not said a word, typical Tosh, selfless until the very end…

There's life in her eyes again, just the faintest trace of it. Her eyes were horribly lifeless when he gathered her into his arms, dull and defeated and beyond his help, and she's still fading away far too fast, there's no getting around that. But suddenly there's something else there too behind the defeat. It's that spark again, that spark Jack remembers so clearly in her eyes, just the faintest glimmer, that first day he had led her into the hub, guided her over to her workstation and told her all of the technology located there was at her disposal, that he trusted her, that he knew she was going to be brilliant, in that moment gifting her back the freedom she had long given up all hope of ever experiencing again.

There's hope now still, Jack's sure of it. Perhaps there wasn't before, not without Owen, but now everything has changed in that sense, if Toshiko was willing to give in before believing that Owen was lost then surely, surely now…

"Owen, Tosh has been shot." There's no easy way of saying it, Jack decides, no time to break it to Owen gently. "Gray, it was Gray, it's my fault…"

"What? Fuck." There's real panic in Owen's voice now, concern, and even that doesn't seem to be enough Tosh to find the energy to move, to speak, shit…

"She was fine," Owen insists, though he's convincing himself, guilt-stricken, it's clear, cursing himself he hadn't picked up on it before. "She was fine, she said it was just her arm, she was brilliant, she worked it all out, she… Tosh? Tosh?"

Jack wills her to respond, something, anything, to reassure Owen she's strong enough to cling on until he can make it back across the city to them, but instead her eyes fill with tears and she shakes her head, slight, pained, and Gwen squeezes her hand and murmurs reassuring, meaningless nonsense to her while Ianto looks on motionless, frozen in shock, and Jack wants to scream because they're falling apart around him and he can't stop it, can't make this right again.

"She's here, Owen, she's here. But she's weak, I didn't know, I swear, none of us knew, if only we hadn't wasted so much time in the cells…"

"You need to get her out of there, Jack," Owen urges. "Call her an ambulance, get her up the surface, tell them anything."

"Hospitals lost power with the explosions," Ianto reminds him grimly. "They're diverting A and E out of the city, there isn't time."

Shit.

Jack knows what he should do. He knows the right thing to do, not the easy decision but the right decision. He's paid to make the right decision, trained, ruthlessly so, didn't exactly walk into the leadership role willingly but he accepted it, took it on, knew what he was letting himself in for only too well.

He knows the right decision, the one he should take, the orders he should issue Owen over Tosh's handheld. He knows he can't be sentimental, that the bigger picture is key now, that the call he makes has to weigh up Tosh against the population of Cardiff, hell, even the population of the whole South West, knows that faced with that choice, there should be no doubt. Hesitation, yes, regret, anger and the lack of another option, a happy ending for all, but no doubt in his mind as to what he must do.

But not today.

There's been too much death already today, too much pain.

This once, just this once, Jack decides, screw it all and let him be selfish.

Not Toshiko. Not Toshiko, not her out of all of them, not Toshiko, the only one of them who didn't sign up to this life willingly.

Perhaps she would have, had it been different. Perhaps Toshiko would have signed the forms as willingly as the rest of them did, perhaps she would have seen it as an escape, a purpose, like Owen, perhaps she would have fought for it like Gwen and Ianto, proved her worth.

But it didn't go like that. Toshiko didn't have a choice, couldn't consent to this faced with the alternative of life in solitary, and Jack is damned if he is going to see it all end like this now.

"Owen, get out of there," Jack orders. "Get back to the Hub. Ianto, clear the route."

He knows Ianto, knows he'll only cope with this if he keeps him preoccupied.

"But the reactor, Jack, meltdown ain't gonna be pretty…"

"So we call in UNIT, we get them to deal with it. They can be here in an hour, tops, from their Bristol base, we let them take over. God knows it's time UNIT make themselves useful for once."

Toshiko cringes against his chest, and Jack curses himself for being so blunt, because however far gone Toshiko is it clearly isn't far enough to let her guard down completely.

"Tell them to evacuate the building, lock up whatever they can, Owen. Get everyone out, let them know UNIT are on their way and then get over here as fast as you can."

 **So I finally rewatched Exit Wounds after refusing to admit it happened since it aired and so naturally I had to write a fix it fic. I am a total newbie to writing Torchwood and I still have a lot to learn, so please do let me know if this is worth continuing. Reviews would make my day :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

And so they wait. They wait and they hope and they try their best to hide their panic deep beneath a façade because it's the only thing they can do, because once Ianto has called out UNIT and cleared Owen's path back to Cardiff Bay, waiting is all that is left. All they can do is wait and follow the instructions Owen issues over the phone, pressure… elevation, exit wound… Owen has Ianto on the phone to the nearest hospital, blood transfusion, fluids… And all the while Toshiko lies there, still, eyes squeezed shut, exhausted, and there's nothing they can do, nothing but follow Owen's instructions and wait, just wait…

It's taking too long. She'll be gone before Owen gets here… Jack curses himself, curses himself for sending Owen out of the hub, that one simple decision he thought nothing of at the time, nothing, if only it had been Gwen, Ianto, anything to ensure that it was Owen here now, Owen already on hand, ready…

He had hope a few minutes ago. It's cruel, so horribly cruel how everything can change in an instant, how in this fragile space between life and death there is no constant, no guarantees, no progress that cannot be undermined again by a sharp fall back into the darkness, for all of them except for him. There was life in Toshiko's eyes at first when Owen came back onto the line, Jack knows there was, knows he didn't imagine it. It makes sense, after all. Somehow, she must have managed to keep herself going all the while she had Owen on the line, Owen to help, Owen to fight for; that must have been it, because Jack has no other explanation for how she possibly could have clung on, functioning so well for so long only to crash the moment Owen disappeared off the line. But now, just as quickly as it appeared, that life has vanished again, replaced once more by a dull, lifeless stare that's not quite absent but so damn close, so close he almost can't bear to look at her, not like this.

It's taking too long, it's just taking too long, there's no way around it. Jack doesn't know quite how long it's been- ten minutes maximum, he suspects, though it feels as though it's been far longer- but it's too long for her, too long even with Owen's voice over the phone issuing instructions, swearing, just a little panicked.

He wants to scream, wants to scream at Owen that for once in his life he's going to have to get over himself, drop the hard act and the cold distance he usually maintains with Tosh and say something, anything, to reassure her, because like it or not if she's hanging on for any one of them she's hanging on for him, and he's just going to have to show her that he values her friendship if nothing else, because anything is worth a try at this point, anything. And yet he can't, Jack knows he can't, because Toshiko is too private and too proud for that and she would never forgive him.

He refuses to consider the possibility that she's too far gone to be angry at him.

"Come on, sweetheart. Come on, just a few more minutes, it's alright…"

A part of Jack, a part of him that's irrational by this point, panicked, desperate, wants to shout at Gwen to stop, that there's no time left, that Toshiko has already shut them out, any hope the news of Owen's escape from the power station might have filled her with is going to have to contend with her physical injuries and god knows how long it's been already, that it's hopeless, it's all hopeless.

Let her go. He's jumping between the two erratically at this point, mindlessly, and the only solution he can find at this point is to take Toshiko's lead.

They need to give her a chance. He can hear Ianto, Ianto on the phone up in the main area of the hub shouting down the phone at the police to clear the roads down into Cardiff Bay, knows Owen must be moments away. He's giving her the best possible chance, Jack tells himself, and god knows UNIT won't be happy about it.

He can't fight this battle for her, but he can make damned sure that if she wants to fight, they will fight with her.

Ianto rushes down the steps into the medical bay now, John still hovering above them; he knows better than to come near, knows he's done more than enough damage, Jack realises.

"Tosh's GPS has Owen at two minutes away," Ianto informs them shakily. He pulls open cupboards, rummages, loading medical supplies onto the trolley.

"You hear that, Tosh?" Gwen is doing her overly forced optimistic act again, grips Tosh's right hand, and as Jack reaches out for her left with his own, cold, so horribly cold and lifeless, he can't quite understand her. Perhaps he's seen too many die by now, too much blood on his hand, or perhaps it's just Gwen, typical Gwen, positive and full of faith and determined not to give up on anyone until the bitter end.

Jack desperately wants to believe her optimism is well-placed, whether it's a front she's putting on for Tosh's sake or otherwise.

He just can't bring himself to hope all the while she's like this.

He watches her closely now, watches the shallow rise and fall of her chest, the fragility of her every breath, the uncertainty. If Toshiko heard Gwen's attempt to pull her back to them, she shows no sign of it. Ianto is talking, he realises; not with him, with Owen, Owen on the phone, still, not Owen in the room, Owen on the phone, so close and yet still too far away to be any use to Tosh…

Jack thinks of the number, the international dialling code, carefully stowed away amongst his filing in his office, out of sight, off limits, curses himself for not thinking to save it into his phone before now, just in case. He doesn't dare move to find it now, not with Toshiko so lifeless against his chest, not knowing that she could have minutes left now, all too late. But shit, shit if only he'd thought of this before, if only he'd realised that screw UNIT, screw them all when it comes down to this, this brutal reality of Torchwood employment for all but him.

Jack remembers the terms of the contract he signed at UNIT headquarters in order to secure Toshiko's release into the custody of Torchwood Three all too well, remembers because there are aspects of it all that still haunt him a little, even now, four years on. He's tried to avoid thinking about it over the years, reminded himself when the guilt kicks in (because it does, every so often, of course it does) that he might not have been able to give Toshiko her mother, but he's given her a life, given her a freedom of sorts again through Torchwood, even if at that terrible cost of severed contact. He's liberated her from solitary confinement, left to die without trial in a UNIT prison; even death in the line of duty with Torchwood after a period of freedom has to be better than that.

He should have thought of this before. He should have thought this through, should have planned for this moment, because it was always inevitable, of course, it's been inevitable for Toshiko from the moment he took her on just as it is for all of them, however hard Jack tries to forget. He should have had the god damned number to hand, ready, waiting for this moment when it's needed, when Toshiko needs it, because screw it, screw UNIT, screw them all. They've forced him to exert far too much control over her up until now and Jack has tolerated it because he's been left with little choice, because if that's the price he has to pay to ensure her freedom and Toshiko can live with it then so can he. But there's no point now, no point carrying on like this a moment longer if this is how it's going to end, and he should have realised this before.

What does it matter now? What does any of it matter, what would it matter if he were to breach the terms of his agreement with UNIT when it's all going to be over before any real damage can be done? (And damage in UNIT's eyes, that is, and that's all; how can allowing contact between mother and child ever possibly be categorised as 'damage?')

He should have had the number in his phone. He should have had it ready, for Toshiko, because it's the least he can do for her after four years of backing UNIT in keeping her from contacting her mother, and now it's too late.

He doesn't hear Ianto at first, is startled back to reality at the questioning look he and Gwen shoot him when he fails to respond.

"Owen's going to be here any minute," Ianto repeats. "Jack. We need to get her onto the examination table, it's going to save time."

They lift her together, he and Ianto, Gwen's fingers pressed to Tosh's wrist and it takes Jack a moment longer than it should have to realise that she's checking her pulse.

Shit. They're at that stage.

They could have minutes.

Toshiko could have minutes.

"Route's cleared from the hospital," Ianto murmurs. There's panic in his voice, such an obvious lacing of utter panic, and Jack knows he's hoping Toshiko won't hear, desperately wants to protect her from the reality of this in case any part of her is still determined to hold on. "I've requested the blood stock, Owen talked me through it all on the phone. It should be here soon, I need to go up and collect it…"

Jack nods. "Go, just go," he urges him. "We've got this."

They've anything but, and they both know it, but it's the only reassurance Jack can offer him.

It's not just Toshiko. She's the one in danger in this moment, physical danger, but it's painfully clear that all four of his team are broken. Ianto, quiet, subdued, Gwen with her false optimism that Jack knows is all put on for Tosh, is going to crash and burn disastrously, eruptive, sooner or later, because the simple reality is that Gwen empathises, arguably a little too much, and that makes her brilliant and it makes her powerful but it also makes her incredibly vulnerable. And then there's Owen; Owen, who has so far maintained a cold, distant, strictly profession manner over the phone since the reality of the situation became so horribly apparent to him, and Jack can't quite gage whether it's just Owen being Owen or Owen shutting off, Owen distancing himself behind the guise of medicine and professionalism because it's too painful, because despite the way he's treated Tosh at times it's clear that he does care really, does care enough to be just as affected by this as the rest of them, of course he does.

They're falling apart, all of them, and it's his fault, all of it is his fault. It's not his fault directly, of course, Jack hasn't quite lost sight of that beneath his guilt, but it's his brother, his brother who has done this to Tosh, his brother and John who have caused so much devastation, his past, his fault, all of it…

If only they hadn't wasted so much time, Jack curses himself. He glances down at Toshiko; they've lifted her onto the examination table now and yet she's still motionless, no reaction, nothing. That part is his fault and he can't forgive himself for it. Him, Gwen, Ianto, John… if only they hadn't wasted so much god damned time in the cells, they should have checked on her, they knew she was upstairs, they should have tried the coms, at least, should have realised…

He won't forgive himself for this, however it ends.

He was supposed to keep her safe. He was supposed to keep them all safe, but with Toshiko out of all of them there has always been an extra layer of protectiveness. It's back to that same old issue, the circumstances under which she was brought into this, all over again. It wasn't supposed to go like this; she was supposed to finish her five-year contract and then Jack would have offered her the choice she should have been given all along. He would have wiped clean her criminal record, given her at last her mother's address, given her a choice as to whether or not he renewed her contract, the way it should have been. Hell, he might even have considered holding off on the retcon, just this once, if that was what she wanted, put in a good word for her wherever she wished to go instead.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

There's a sudden rush of activity from the main area of the Hub, and then Owen and Ianto appear at the top of the stairs.

"How is she?" Owen sets to work immediately, vitals, taking over pressure from Jack, rummaging through his sterilised equipment. "Tosh? Tosh, can you hear me?"

Toshiko moans softly, eyelids fluttering.

"That's it, Tosh, come on. Talk to me, I need you to talk to me." He turns to Jack and Gwen, Ianto busy behind them, setting up the blood transfusion. "Is there an exit wound?"

"We don't think so," Gwen answers shakily. She's out of her depth, and she seems to realise it now, as though she's been holding it together until now by convincing herself that Owen is going to waltz in with a magic wand and fix everything, and now her hopes have been shattered she's going the same way as Ianto, silent, pained, trembling.

"Right, help me turn her… No exit wound," Owen determines, grimaces. "Okay. Okay." He loosens the sling around Toshiko's neck. "I need you to hold her arm, I need space. Someone, anyone. Jack, can you get a line in? She's bleeding out, shit, shit…"

They're talking as if she's gone already, as though she's not here, not listening, as though it's all over and this is only the final struggle, proving to themselves they tried as much as anything.

He can't give up on her now. He can't. He just can't.

They're all going to fall apart if she fades away.

The moment they give up, it's all over, and not just for Toshiko.

"Sure." Jack glances at Ianto, panic-stricken, eyes glistening. It has to be Gwen, there's no question of that. "Gwen?"

Gwen shakes her head fiercely, holds up her hands. "I can't, I can't, I don't know… I'll hurt her…"

"And you're going to hurt her even more if you don't bloody do it," Owen snaps angrily. "She needs blood or she is going to die, do you understand that? It's a broken arm, for fuck's sake, it's not open heart…"

"Easy, Owen," Jack warns.

"Just in case you hadn't noticed, I'm under a lot of pressure here…"

"Well yes, and you're the medic, I don't have a bloody clue what to…"

"I'm asking you to hold her arm so Jack can get a line in, Christ, anyone would think…"

"Will you… stop?" Toshiko gasps weakly.

Jack's ashamed to admit it takes him several moments to realise it's her who has finally silenced Owen and Gwen's angry exchanges, although he's already written her off in his mind.

"Oh Tosh, I'm sorry, darling, I'm sorry. I just don't want to hurt you any more, I'm sorry…." Gwen shoots Owen a dirty look, glares, but she complies, and Jack takes the line from Ianto and the stack of medical equipment from the hospital, moves in fast before they start snapping at each other again, inserts the line with no reaction from Toshiko, shit…

"Line's in," Jack confirms.

"Okay. Okay, you can get the blood connected, right? Ianto, I need you to get her onto a monitor, I need her stats. Tosh? Tosh, I need you to hang in there. This is going to hurt, alright? This is going to hurt, but it'll be quick, I need you to hold on. Hold her still," he instructs Jack, Ianto still wrestling the monitor.

Jack resists the temptation to point out that Tosh is unlikely to put up a great fight.

"Heart rate's dropping," Ianto confirms.

"Shit."

"I c…"

"Yes, you can, Tosh, you're fine, you're fine. I just need you to keep still."

"Hu…"

"I know it hurts, I know, we can do something about that in a minute, okay? But I need you to stay still so I can…"

"T…"

"No, it's not, Tosh, of course it's not, I need you to trust me. You're fine, you're fine, I'm going to get the bullet out now, alright? I need you to stay still."

Jack decides this isn't the moment to make some clever comment about how Owen seems to be able to be the only one of them able to understand her, as though, somehow, they've tuned into one another at last, those last moments over the coms which turned out to not be last moments after all forming a bond of sorts between them.

There's silence, just silence, and then Toshiko lets out a strangled sound that might have been a scream of pain if only she wasn't so exhausted.

"I know, I know." Owen's face is a mask of concentration, Gwen's gaze fixed upon him, Ianto looking away, everything too raw, and Jack grips Tosh's hand tightly, silently, as though by clinging onto her with all his strength might somehow transfer some life back into her, keep her alive long enough for Owen to stabilise her, because she can't slip away, not now, not like this…

"Bullet's out," Owen murmurs.

"Thank god…" Gwen begins, but Owen shakes his head furiously.

"There's still internal damage, I need to…"

And then the heart rate monitor breaks the tranquillity of that moment, shrieks furiously, and all of a sudden it feels as though it's all over.

 **AN: I'm so sorry for taking forever to get this chapter finished, school has been kind of crazy! I'm about halfway through chapter 3 now, so hopefully it won't be such a long wait for the next chapter. Thank you to those who have reviewed so far, your feedback inspired me to come back to this and keep writing. As ever, reviews would be hugely appreciated, and they inspire me to write faster!**

 **-IseultLaBelle**


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